Whitewed Advise: The Importance of Resilience

Here at Whitewed, I work with engaged couples, wedding venues and suppliers alike, and 13 years in the industry and many thousands of contacts means I have a true and realistic view into how both sides of the industry react, perform, cope, and what their processes, challenges and wins are.

Currently, our lives, both personal and business are in the Government's hands, and we never know what the next announcement will bring: we are unsettled, we are fed up with the whole mess of Coronavirus and all that it has meant for us and led to – and our future is uncertain.

There’s no two ways about it, it’s a difficult time BUT resilience is key. Don’t let this difficult time beat you and all that you have built up over the last however many years. Don’t give up.

This uncertain situation is NOT a reflection of your performance, your quality, your ability – this is a situation that we all have to accept and find a way forward, and resilience is essential.

I’m lucky, for whatever reason, I have resilience, it’s one of the things that I was born with and I’ve honed and relied on it over the years. It’s something that I haven’t given a name, but it hasn’t let me down yet.

Don’t get me wrong, receiving bad news doesn’t sit well with me – I shout, get upset and angry just like everyone else (but mostly in private!), but then I put it in a box and tell myself to get over it and move on. I have learnt to accept that if I have no control over a situation, I have to find my own way of getting around it.

I believe that the survival of the fittest and most successful is all about accepting the situation you’re in, finding a new way out of it / a new way of doing things.

But if you don’t have resilience naturally, don’t worry, as you can train yourself to have it!

So, what is resilience:

Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept it and try to put together something that's good.

It’s our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned. Resilient people don't wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward.

What can we do?  What actions can we take?  How can we change our mindset?

It’s time to choose to view a difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. Look at the situation and see what you can learn from it.

Commit to your goals. Give yourself a compelling reason to get out of the bed every morning – have a purpose. This is not just about work, but in your home life too. Commit to your relationships, friendships, the causes that you care about, and your beliefs.

Spend your time concentrating on situations that you actually have control over – this will make you feel empowered and confident, rather than lost, helpless and powerless if you focus on the situations that you have no control over.

Maintain a positive outlook – be somebody that people want to be around. See the positive in a situation, have solid goals and work to achieve them. Don’t waste time worrying about what others think of you and don’t bow to peer pressure – do what’s right for you, not what’s right for other people. Don’t think of yourself as a victim of a situation, instead focus your time and energy on changing things that you have control over.

Resilience gives us the power to overcome setbacks, such as the one that we're in right now - of course, we’ll fail from time to time, it’s inevitable. We’ll make mistakes and fall flat on our faces sometimes – but don’t hold a failure as a benchmark, get back up, dust yourself off and don’t stop taking risks as a result. Mistakes are a learning opportunity, be honest about them and move on. Have the courage to do something different, to try new ideas and situations.

You can develop resilience by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep – both enable you to control stress more easily – the best thing I ever did was sign up to a personal trainer, lose weight, get fit and strong, improve my self-image and have a clear head – it’s the only thing I’ve kept up with during lockdown as it was a priority for my well-being – I couldn’t have got through it without it! The stronger you feel physically and emotionally, the easier it is for you to overcome challenges. It enables you to commit to your goals and have control.

We have a choice as to how we respond to a crisis. We can choose to react negatively or in a panic, or you can choose to remain calm and logical to find a solution – your reaction is always up to you. Yes, have your ‘moment’, but then get over yourself and move on.

So, plough your energies into thinking positively and being optimistic– resilient people don’t let negative thoughts derail their efforts, instead they consistently practice positive thinking so that it becomes a habit. Really ‘listen’ to how you talk to yourself when something goes wrong – if you find yourself talking negatively, stop yourself and switch it around to positive self-talk. Over time, this will become a new and better habit.

Maintain perspective. Resilient people understand that whilst a situation or crisis may seem overwhelming at that moment, it may not make that much of an impact over the long-term. Try to avoid blowing events out of proportion and remain flexible – resilient people understand that things change, and that carefully laid out plans may need to be amended or scrapped – that’s OK.

Don’t think you can’t be resilient. You can be. Your reaction is your choice. Your way forward is your choice. Whilst the situation that we’re in is devastating / worrying / unsettling – pick your word, or all of them! – it’s not the end of the world and there is ALWAYS a solution. Allow yourself to see the positive, even if it’s tiny, and start allowing yourself to find new solutions, new ways of doing things – and build yourself up so that you are strong, positive and confident in your actions.

Coronavirus has totally flipped our world and expectations of 2020 on its head - but ‘turn up’ every day, give yourself a purpose, find a way through the day, and consider all that I’ve said. I promise you, your days will improve, you will have new energy and ideas – and quite frankly, being negative and worrying is exhausting!

In my experience, as one door closes, another opens – so accepting a difficult situation will enable your mind to look for solutions and have the strength to put them into action.

Be kind to yourself. Look after yourself.

Kindest, 

Natalie Lovett, Director of The Whitewed Directory