Whitewed Advise on How to Recognise and Deal with Imposter Syndrome

Here at Whitewed, I work with engaged couples, wedding venues and suppliers alike, and 13 years in the industry and many thousands of contacts means I have a true and realistic view into how both sides of the industry react, perform, cope, and what their processes, challenges and wins are.

One thing that I see all the time amongst business owners is the little niggle that is referred to as 'Imposter Syndrome', and here I share my advice on how to recognise 'Imposter Syndrome' and deal with it effectively...as letting it niggle away at you will not only damage your self confidence, but halt your business growth too!

'Imposter Syndrome'...

Ever wondered if you’re good enough, thought you can’t do it, can’t believe you’re worth it?  It’s a really common feeling and it’s known as ‘Imposter Syndrome’, in fact it’s said that around 70% of people have felt it at some stage.

I have had it SO many times, every early morning before a really big event or a big meeting, I question my worth and whether everything will be OK, and quite often I’ll have a quick meltdown, then pull myself together, tell myself to get over myself and go and do my thing, and with the success I deserve! ...my husband despairs!

Despite being experienced, skilled and capable, you may feel inadequate and question why you deserve the success and praise you’re given – and rather than celebrating your success, it can be easy to almost brush it to one side instead, and that’s a great shame.

Whilst feeling inadequate on occasion can be quite normal, letting it overtake you can be really damaging to your confidence and business / career growth - and putting a brave face on it won't do you any good either as you just mask it, so here I share some ways that you can curb the feeling and overcome the niggle:

1: Know the signs and get some balance

If you start to feel, or can relate to the following, you need to stop short:

• You feel like you "got lucky" when you actually prepared well and worked hard
• You find it hard to accept praise
• You apologise for yourself when you didn't actually do something wrong
• You hold yourself to incredibly - sometimes impossibly - high standards
• You find the fear of failure paralysing
• You avoid expressing confidence because you think people will see it as overcompensating or obnoxious
• You're convinced you're not enough

All these feelings and scenarios are true 'Imposter Syndrome' indicators, and what you need to do is start paying attention to your language choices, both when you're talking to other people and when you're talking to yourself - especially when it comes to talking about work.

Negative self-talk, like the words surrounding the examples given above, is a really bad habit and it can heavily influence our stress and anxiety levels. If this is something that you do, catch yourself early, be kind to yourself and practice positive self-talk – it will take time to get into the habit of it, but not only will it reduce your stress and anxiety levels, it will also enable you to build your courage to do things that will bring greater rewards.

Also, if you find your own success or the praise others give you uncomfortable, do some reflective thinking on where those types of thoughts came from and what it means in your professional life.  Take time to understand how you reached the point of praise – generally it’s down to your hard work and experience, and therefore you deserve it!

If you feel unworthy, any kind of positive response or reward feels like a trick, a scam or luck of the draw BUT it’s possible find a healthy balance between the two – it’s absolutely right to thank somebody for a compliment and enjoy an inner glow, whilst still being modest!

2: Let go of your inner perfectionist

Being a perfectionist can be a major roadblock for overcoming Imposter Syndrome – in fact most people that suffer from Imposter Syndrome are high achievers; people that set themselves extremely high standards and are committed to do their best and be the best all the time…but perfectionism can feed your Imposter Syndrome, as if you feel inadequate it’s usually because you’re comparing yourself to a ‘perfect’ outcome that’s either impossible or unrealistic!

No one can do everything perfectly (even if they try!), so it’s important to take a step back and ask yourself what is your ‘good enough’ so that you set yourself a realistic target and you’re not counterproductive.

3: Measure your successes

It’s easy to default to ‘well that was a bit of luck’ when something good happens to you and you’re suffering from Imposter Syndrome – when in fact it’s your own hard work, knowledge and preparation that had a lot to do with it…not to mention, you being you!

To avoid this feeling, have a private note book / page and keep a track of your wins and kind words here, and regularly re-read them.

I have a folder in my inbox called ‘Nice things said’, and if I’m having a doubting day, I’ll go and read through the lovely things that clients have said and I’ll feel much better, and positive that I can achieve what I’m setting out to achieve!

4: Consider a mentor

Having a trusted business mentor is just the best thing! They will take a helicopter view of what you’re doing and how you’re reacting and will give you the best objective and constructive advice, support you, and ultimately build your confidence as your successes grow.

I know that many of you have formed groups within the Whitewed community that have been so successful in enabling you to develop confidence in your offering and grow your business – I have my own business mentor and it’s the best thing I ever did. We talk regularly and support each other. We both have our own businesses and we know the ups and downs of what it brings. We are honest with each other, and have both grown as individuals and our businesses as a result.

Having a respected peer on your side that believes in you is one of the best ways to beat Imposter Syndrome!

5: Say ‘yes’ to new opportunities…even if you’re shying away from them!

Whilst you can’t and shouldn’t say ‘yes’ to everything, especially if it goes against your brand ethics, or you’re feeling stressed or you’re spread thin, it’s really common for someone suffering with Imposter Syndrome to turn down an amazing opportunity just because they don’t feel good enough for it.

If you are presented with a new opportunity, it’s important to distinguish between the voice in your head saying ‘you can’t do it’ and the one saying that you currently have too much on your plate – the former is the Imposter Syndrome speaking and you need to ignore it!

Taking on a new opportunity and challenge can open so many doors for you, it can grow your experience and standing in your industry and it can do wonders for your confidence!

As Richard Branson says: "if someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure you can do it, say yes. Then learn how to do it later!"

Overall, it can be really hard to get rid of the feeling completely, but it’s important to react to it in a positive way to stop it hindering your success and be open about it...don't do what this guys does!

Learn to accept success and praise, learn to have an inner glow when you get it! Don’t let it spoil your dreams, embrace all opportunities...and if it lurks, actively accept it and learn how to handle it – remind yourself that you have achieved everything because of you're YOU, not by chance or luck, but because YOU used your personality and capabilities to do it!

Kindest, 

Natalie Lovett, Director of The Whitewed Directory